Ok, this was a rough week. B moved and K was on a business trip, so only one of us even lounged and watched this episode. I couldn't get my act together to write a whole post so I'm doing a major cop out and just posting the notes I took while I watched it. We promise to make up for this with a stellar recap of the Women Tell All and of course the Final Rose. Apologies!!
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We start with a recap of all the girls and then get to see Sean swimming because no episode would be complete without at least one shot of him alone, shirtless, and wet.
Ooo they are in Thailand! Thats sweet
Lindsay
They go to a really gross meat market. Omg baby chicks dyed bright colors! That would be cute if they weren't about to be fried and put on a stick.
Sean says he wants to test Lindsay. Of fucking course. He makes her eat a bug.
Lindsay says she thought about not eating it but then she saw how brave Sean was...umm I think she considered not eating it but then remembered Selma. You don’t turn down a Sean challenge if you want a chance to dry hump in the fantasy suite.
Lindsay always sounds drunk to me. I think she’s on prescription pills or something.
Sean tells Lindsay she’s the best friend he’s been looking for. Isn’t that a bad thing? I feel like a guy telling me he wants to be best friends means he probably just wants to play video games fully clothed together and skip the fantasy suite.
They go to a crazy lit up Thai land? It’s like someone decorated PF Changs for Christmas.
Sean and Lindsay are perfect since they are both such doofuses. They just talk nonsense to each other. Sean is being pretty open about the fact that he is totally proposing to her. Its is fucking crazy that bride Lindsay is winning this whole damn thing.
Right when Lindsay is about to say I love you creepy dancers come out of nowhere. Somewhere Chris Harrison is laughing evilly and putting his bets on Catherine.
Wouldn't it be funny if the fantasy suite card came with a condom?
Sean says that from the beginning all he’s wanted is someone funny and compassionate who could be his best friend. Sean if I didn’t hate you with a passion I might be your perfect match.
Lindsay finally tells Sean she loves him after about a bottle of wine and half a bottle of champagne. She talks without fully closing her mouth and you can ALWAYS see her teeth and it annoys me. She better be careful...Sean got rid of Amanda after her jaw injury, once he notices those teeth she might be out
AshLee
Omg again with the challenges! Sean says he wants to get AshLee out of her comfort zone and is going to make her swim through a cave. Don’t worry Ash you’ll be right back in your comfort zone at the end of this season when Sean abandons you.
This cave looks like my nightmare. I saw The Descent. All I can think about is how much I admire Selma right now.
Swimming in the pitch black???? Omg. NO NO NO NO. I would have a panic attack. This is not fun to watch it is very upsetting.
I am fairly certain we are watching them have sex in the water. There was a makeout that looked like it involved some suspicious thrusting.
They come out from the cave to a gorgeous private beach and just make out in the water for a couple hours. Snooze.
Next they go to dinner in a hut and I must admit AshLee looks really good with straight hair. They talk about how much they like each other for a while then head to the fantasy suite to “stay up all night and talk.” I would make a joke if I didn’t think that’s exactly what these two prudes were doing.
Catherine
Did Catherine drink about 5 redbulls and take some ecstasy before going to meet Sean? Settle down.
Catherine says she got mad at her sisters. Thank god! Those girls were the worst.
They make out in the rain. Jesus.
Next they go to dinner and I’m getting really sick of Sean explaining his intentions. We all know what your intentions are you bible thumping horndog.
Hahahaahah I didn’t realize the fantasy suite cards were signed by Chris Harrison!!! Amazing. How much do you think I can get an authentic one for on ebay???
Catherine says that she’s used to being made fun of but not in a mean way, just that she’s fat and eats too much....seriously, where is she from?!?! Talk about a hard knock life.
Omg. Chris Harrison out of nowhere!!! He is doing a paid promotion for Oz the great and powerful?? What is happening???
Sean sits down with CH to talk about who he is sending home and really doesn't seem authentic when he says its going to be hard. I’m thinking its AshLee?
Oh god each woman has made Sean a video message. I thought the show was almost over and now I have to watch this?
Does Lindsay have a hickey in her video? Her voice is making my ears bleed.
Catherine was fun and AshLee cried.
Final Rose
Whoa Ash is bringing the girls out tonight. For someone so religious with abandonment issues she sure abandoned her God-given boobs pretty easily.
It is comical how long the producers are drawing out the final rose.
AshLee is going home!! I knew it. Omg she is so mad!!! She doesn’t cry in front of Sean though which is really admirable of her. She doesn’t even really lose it in the cab home, but she pretty much sums up why she is going home - she says this wasn't a game to her or about laughter and having fun, and Sean has said all along he wants someone to goof around with all day. Ash, just be thankful you will be living a prank-free life from here on out. When God closes a door he opens a window that doesn’t look out onto a born-again albino Ashton Kutcher. It’s a blessing.
Next week women tell all!! This is the BEST. Be excited!
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